Just Reach Out

My Grandmother lived across the street from her Brother for 40 years, and they never spoke a word to each other in those 40 years.  He died last week and everyone is pretty screwed up about it.

My family is known to put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional, but for the most part I think we’re a pretty good lot.  We have our issues and skeletons like most families, but some parts are a little insane.  My Dad’s family seems to be full of this whole “your dead to me… I’m not going to talk to you” mentality.  I swore I would break that chain with the generation I bring into the world- so far it is working.  Although… how much does a 5 month old really care if you stop speaking to her?

The story goes something like this…..

My great uncle Bobby was 7 years younger than my Grandmother.  He ended up marrying a pretty insane woman.  So insane, that she cut him off from his family.  Now, he is a grown man and he didn’t have to oblige- but he did.  Once he married her, he told his family that he was no longer one of them.  She was a royal nut case- even ripped the shirt off my Father’s back on one occasion- yes, literally ripped it off.

My Grandmother found out about his death in the newspaper obituary section- how sad.  They didn’t even name his 2 Sisters or his Brother.  It simply said: “Survived by 2 Sisters and 1 Brother.)  I guess psycho wife got her digs in right until the end.

I called my Grandmother last night to see how she was doing, and to offer my sympathies.  She sounded sad.  She told me about how you always think there is time left to mend fences.  She told me how she wished that she had of just walked over there and reached out to him, and when the witchy woman tried to keep her away, that she should have just pushed right past her anyway.  Regret- it honestly has to be the worst feeling in the world.

My heart hurts today for my Grandmother because of the feelings of regret she must be feeling, but also because her Brother was so cruel to her.  My Grandmother lost her Daughter (my Aunt) and the age of 42.  When her Brother was called and told about it by his other Sister, he didn’t even bother to call my Grandmother.  Having a Brother myself, I just can’t bear the thought of how that would make me feel.

During our conversation last night, my Grandmother told me stories about when her and her Brother were small.  She remembered arriving home at the age of 7 to find a midwife in the kitchen of her family home.  In her arms was a small baby boy getting a bath in front of the kitchen stove.  She remembered being totally amazed.  In her words “I had no idea where babies came from!” She said they were like peas and carrots from that moment on.  Every Saturday she would go to visit her girlfriend who lived on a farm miles away from her home.  She would carry her little Brother on her back (both ways) so he could play with her friend’s little Brother.  Pretty amazing I think.

I pray today that my Grandmother can find the peace she needs right now.  I pray that I can learn from this experience of hers and do my best to live as though tomorrow might not come. 

There is a special friend I have- more like family she is.  She reads my blog a lot.  She is in a similar situation with her own Brother.  He is married to a witch too.  My friend and her Brother have been at odds for some time now.  I know he is being a big idiot to her and that she really didn’t do much wrong in what went down.  However, will it really matter if he were gone tomorrow?  She would more than likely be feeling exactly how my Grandmother is feeling this week.  So, my special friend- don’t let it linger too long.  I will die inside to watch you hurt, and I know you will if the unthinkable ever happens while this turmoil swirls around you.  Just reach out.