Kudos To The Working Mom!

Ok, One of my Mama Bear friends is this super cool faculty member.  She is awesome, and super duper smart too.  We’ve been dialoging a bit on this whole ‘working Mother’ issue, and being the smarty pants that she is, she has found actual research that supports the working Mother!  So, it is out there!!! I am adding it here because it needs to be everywhere!!! Let’s start with my blog!

The following a chapter description for a chapter on maternal employment in an edited book called “The changing realities of work and family”….

 ”Maternal employment is not bad for our children. In fact, there are many positive consequences of maternal employment for children, other family members, and mothers. For example, research shows that having a working mother leads to increased academic achievement (Makri-Botsari & Makri, 2003), enhanced cognitive outcomes (Vandell & Vandell “>Ramanan, 1992), and fewer behavior problems (Youngblut et al., 2001) in children. Furthermore, early maternal employment benefits single mothers and lower income families by increasing family income (Harvey, 1999; Vandell & Ramanan, 1992) and improving the mother’s mental health (Makri-Botsari & Makri, 2003).”

So, there you have it ladies and gents.  Us working Mothers are doing something right after all.  It’s about time someone had something positive to say about what we do. (Thank you L or sending me this!!)

I had another friend comment on my Facebook status on this issue.  She pointed out that we really shouldn’t be pitting the stay at homes against the working outside the homes.  I agree.  We are all in this together.  When I rant about this, I don’t mean to say we work outside the homes do more, or deserve more credit.  My point is merely that the work outside the homes don’t seem to get nearly the credit that the stay at homes.  In fact, we’re often put down, and made to feel guilty for our choices.  I won’t say either role is harder, I will say they are different.

Fun People Make Life Better

I have this great little circle of new Mama friends, and I have to say I’m loving them.  As our children grow older, we have become closer.  Our kiddies all started daycare together, and we’ve been getting to know each other a little better with each drop off over the past 2 years or so.  We’ve started to hang out outside of ‘school’ and I enjoy their company and their wisdom immensely.  They have a tremendous sense of humour, which to me, is refreshing.  Too many Moms out there get so caught up in the details, and forget to laugh at themselves.  Most days, that is the only way I can cope- by not taking myself too seriously.  One of my favorite quotes is:

“Don’t take yourself too seriously, because no one else does” (Taken from ‘The 45 Lessons Life Taught Me’)

I just finished reading a blog post from one of ‘the Mamas.’  She has the sunniest disposition I’ve ever encountered, and I felt at ease with her from the moment I met her.  Thankfully, our little girlies just love each other, so it makes it even easier. She posted this video, and her thoughts on how people need to just relax and have a little fun. I’m doing the same, because I just love it.

Yay to the awesome Mama bears everywhere who drink wine to cope, send their kids to school with mis-matched clothes, and sometimes forget the details.  We aren’t creating monsters because we aren’t perfect.  We’re creating kids who will hopefully all grow into stunning adults who will have the ability to laugh at themselves, see the humour and beauty in life, all because their Mothers were a little nutty, but sure knew how to laugh… really, really hard.

 

Is There Anything on This Earth NOT Blamed on ‘The Mother’?

I’m driven absolutely mad by the media garbage out there.  This recent ‘charmer’ appeared on one of my favorite websites.

http://www.mommytracked.com/newsdesk_working_mothers_cause_obesity

I can’t understand why they insist on this type of research.  Who cares?  I hate that it appears everywhere.  Working Mothers have enough to carry around in terms of guilt, we don’t need some smug researcher now blaming fat kids on us too.  Kids are fat because they eat too much, and don’t exercise.  I know stay at home Moms who have fat kids…..

UGH!

That isn’t the point.  Who cares whose kids are fat (wait… I care if my kids are fat) but.. regardless of that, my frustration stems from the fact that is even out there.  We don’t need to see this type of garbage appearing every time we turn around.  There are so many holes in this research.  I love how they casually throw in ““[Researchers] took into account factors likely to influence the results, such as the mothers’ level of education and socioeconomic circumstances,” like it isn’t a big deal.  IT IS  A BIG DEAL!!! Socioeconomic circumstances have EVERYTHING to do with this issue!  Women who don’t have the money to feed their kids healthy foods are going to obviously have to worry about this issue more than those of us who CAN afford it.  Because our society is so incredibly backwards where healthy food is so insanely expensive and virtually out of reach for struggling parents, the unfortunate are forced to live off the inexpensive food which is generally loaded with sugar, fat and processed chemicals- those are the real culprits of childhood obesity, not the working Mother.

Why can’t ‘they’ ever publish a ‘research study’ on the benefits children of working Mothers gain?  I’m trying desperately to set a positive example for my Daughter, along with millions of other Mothers in this world.  Yes, I could live my life differently, live in a smaller house and forgo vacations to be at home with my child.  However, my Daughter would find herself with a very unhappy and unfulfilled Mother.

Terrible 2′s

The babe is growing so fast and we are learning each and every day just how trying the terrible 2′s really are.  I’ve decided that I no longer want to talk to ‘those’ parents who keep telling saying things like “you think the 2′s are bad?  Just wait until 3!”  or  ”You are going to develop bad habits by sitting in her room until she falls asleep.”  Makes me crazy.  Is there anyone out there that has a ‘I know how you feel and it will get better.” 

My darling and charming 1 year old has morphed overnight into this independant, stubborn, crazy monster.  My once plump baby with a toothless, drooly grin has been replaced with a running, climbing, jumping, screaming, throwing crazy person.  Honestly, I understand now why some breeds of animals eat their young.

I feel like we have been bounced back into the throws of newborn life.  Monster child has taken to waking up multiple times through the night.  She hasn’t been doing well with the transition from the crib to the toddler bed.  Last night we got the idea that her night light might be too bright, causing her to come out of a deep sleep through the night- hence the wakings.  So, we replaced it with a super dim one- one bright enough for her not to break her neck should she decide to escape from the bed through the night, and also allow us to navigate the toys, books and dolls should we have to enter the room at some point through the night. 

Part 2 of my evil plan was good old fashioned bribery.  We made a chart and told monster child that for every night she gets through the night in her bed with no wake ups and vaults out of bed, she would get one Elmo sticker to put on the chart.  When she builds up 5 stickers, we get to go shopping for a new toy.  So, last night was the first success.  We have one Elmo sticker.  Let’s hope the rest of the week goes as well.  I feel like a new woman today after my first uninterrupted night’s sleep in a loooong time.

Distance

Distance sucks.

My very first niece was born this morning and I am thousands of miles away waiting ever-so-not-patiently for a picture of her sweet, little face.  I hate that I will only know her through pictures for the next few months.  The babe and I are flying down to visit in December, but the time from now ’till then will be unbearable.

I remember this distinct feeling when my first nephew was born just 3, short years ago.  I cried for days.  I was heartbroken about being so far away and not being able to participate in his first days of life.  It was much the same as this situation… he was 3 months old before we met in person.  The good part was that when we did meet, we formed an unbreakable bond.  I will forever be known as ‘Auntie K.’  No one on this earth can make it sound nearly as sweet as he does.

The babe is growing by leaps and bounds.  I would still like to personally throttle the person who coined the phrase ‘the terrible two’s.’  They obviously weren’t the parent of a 15-18 month old!  I swear these parenting books come up with this crap to keep all of us going onwards and upwards.  If they told us at the beginning that we would straight from breastfeeding and sleepless nights right into temper tantrums and nap strikes, surely we wouldn’t have a human race to speak of.  I was so looking forward to this ‘in between’ time.  No such luck!

I still keep meaning to post on our real estate drama, but I just haven’t the energy for that story this evening.  Stay tuned for that one.

Gratitude

Gratitude is a major part of ‘The Secret.’  The basic concept is that by being aware of what we are thankful for, more wonderful things will come into our lives.  To be aware of what we are thankful for though, is the hard part.

A dear friend of mine gave me ‘The Secret Gratitude Journal’ for a Christmas gift.  Talk about the universe giving you exactly what you need at exactly the right time.  I asked the universe for this gift, and it gave it to me through this friend.  I didn’t put my wish into words, but I did think about how I had to make daily gratitude a part of my life.  Also, I needed this to be a part of my life, and the universe gave me what I needed, and a time when I needed it.  This is an example of how there really are no coincidences.

I have been using the journal for the last 2 weeks.  Each day, I am supposed to open the journal, sit down, clear my head and say the words ‘Thank you’ 20 times.  The most effective way to do it is to try to say thank you from your heart.  I sit in quiet and I imagine my heart shouting out to the universe.  It really is quite powerful.  On one page I am supposed to write everything I am thankful for today.  On the opposite page, I am supposed to write everything I am thankful for in the future.  The catch is, that I have to write it as though I already have it.  It is really weird when you first try to do it.  I mean, saying “Thank you for the beautiful 2 storey house with wrap around porch with the 2 acres of privacy” seems really weird when you are living in a bungalow on a postage stamp sized city lot.  But once you get the hang of it, it is pretty easy.

I’m amazed at what I am thankful for, and how writing them down makes me so much more aware of the many blessings in my life.  Something as simple as the baby taking an extra long nap, or one of my dogs snuggling up beside me when I’m in a bad mood.  It really is profound.

 I am in the middle of another book right now entitled “What Happy Women Know” by Dan Baker.  This was also a gift from a great friend.  It is an excellent book.  I am learning so much from it.  In it, Baker (a Psychologist) talks about so many women who have passed through his practice over the years.  They all have the same issue- they want what every other woman around them has- none of them are happy with what they have.  He comments that true happiness comes from loving what you have, not wanting what you don’t have.  Actually, it reminds me of a famous quote “Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.”  This is it!  Exactly it!  I find myself often thinking about what others have, and about wanting more.  I forget sometimes that I need to stop and appreciate all of the many blessings in my life.  Baker talks a lot about how so many women spend so much time agonizing over what they don’t have.  For example, say a woman wants a bigger house.  Well, when she ends up getting the bigger house, she still isn’t happy, because there is someone else with a bigger house, or she finds something new to obsess over.

This is going to take some time for me to work on, but I know gratitude is the place to start.

The Secret

I have read the book ‘The Secret’ and have been trying to use it in my everyday life ever since.  I find myself having to re-read parts of it every now and then to really get it.  I think it totally makes sense, and have seen it work for so many people.  I have already witnessed it making small changes in my life, and am anxious to allow it to make even grander changes in my world over the coming year.

One of my favorite friends recently started her own blog detailing her experiences with the secret.  Wealthy Girl is proving to be an interesting and uplifting read already!  I can’t wait to see even more of her experiences with the Law of Attraction.  She has gotten into much deeper than I have, and I am positive it is going to be a wonderful experience for her- in fact, it already has been.

I am going to use her idea of creating a list of what I want.  I know in my head what I want, but I need to write it down, and read it often.  My husband and I are working on our vision board.  Friends of ours have created theirs, and they have already had to take things off of it because those things have happened for them.  Time to stop procrastinating, and make it happen.

I have high hopes for 2008, and have every intention of putting the Law of Attraction to work for me!

Bye Bye 2007

So… been a while…

Here it is the last day of 2007- what a year.  The single best thing of my entire life happened this year- my Daughter was born.  I have high hopes for 2008, but I really don’t think anything (short of another child) could top 2007.- Note to self- must pick up refill of BC at drug store!

I’ve been battling with this overthinking brain of mine to come up with my new year’s resolutions.  The typical ones immediately come to mind; be kinder, be more patient, talk less…listen more… don’t speak negatively of others.  New year’s resolutions are not such a big deal for someone like me who seems to be constantly in a state of self-improvement/self-evaluation.

 I have high hopes for those close to me for the upcoming year.  I have a friend who is in a troubled marriage- I hope she finds her way out and lands on a safe, happy island where she can finally accept herself and love herself- she is worth loving, she just doesn’t know it right now.

I have another friend who has had her fair share of struggles this year, but has also had a lot of highs.  A lot has finally came through for her and I hope it continues into the new year.  I hope the nasty ghosts from the past will find someone else to harrass- for her sake.  She will make it- she always does.  I have so much faith in her.

Then there is me.  I am back to work this spring, so that will be a new adventure- working Mom.  I hope I can be the leader that my team at work needs.  I hope I can help them grow and move forward in their careers.  I also hope they can help me grow as well.  I hope my husband and I can continue to work through the common triumphs and tribulations of marriage.  We continue to work on our relationship after the addition of our first child- wow that’s a big change.  No one prepared me for that one. 

So, we go on, we get better, we get wiser and hopefully we get kinder. 

Here is to a brand new, fresh year ahead.

Anti-Complain Campaign

I am on a venting fast.

A few weeks ago I pulled my perspective inside.  I sat on the other side of me, and looked inward.  Driven by the gross feeling I’ve had as of late, I decided that I needed to figure out what in my life is draining me.  I’m exhausted, and I don’t know why.  I’m eating healthy, exercising every day, sleeping, and not pregnant! (yay period- whew!) 

Given all of these factors, there was no logic explanation for my fatigue- or was there?During this exercise I examined my friendships, my marriage and my family relationships.  I realized that I have some big time complainers in my life.  Then that old adage came before my eyes; “Takes one to know one.”  Yuck!  Does that means I’m a complainer too?  I don’t want to be a complainer- no one likes a complainer.  Chronic complainers are the ones you duck out of the coffee line at work to avoid.  I don’t seem to have that issue with people, so what else could it be? 

I thought a lot about it, and thought most about what I get from these people in my life.  Does it make me feel better after I talk to them? No.  Do I feel better about my life because they have so much crappiness in theirs? Nope- not that.  That would make me a really crappy friend, which would be a bigger issue. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason I permit this in my life is because I feel as if I close these people down when the complaining starts, we might just not have anything left to talk about.  IF that happens, would our relationship continue?  Would I care?  I mean really, do I want someone in my life who has a relationship with me that only sustains because of the negativity that feeds it?  I think not.

So, I am going on a venting/complaining fast.  A great author Martha Beck wrote a fantastic article about this concept.  Here are the rules for my fast:

1. For a period of time, say a week or a month, stop complaining aloud about anything, to anybody.
2. When the urge to fuss arises, vent on paper. Start with the words I’m upset about. Then describe whatever’s bothering you.
3. Think of at least one thing you can do to actually change the frustrating situation. Write it down.If you can’t think of any positive action steps, simply continue to resist venting out loud. Eventually, your frustration will increase until you think, I’m so upset I just want to…! Write down what you want to do.
4. Do it. Divorce the guy, cuss in front of your fundamentalist sister, put off lunching with the passive-aggressive “friend” until the end of time.

(Taken directly from Martha’s article here.)

 So, you know my vent writings are going to end up here!  Sorry blog friends.  I wonder if that is against the rules since technically some will be hearing my venting?  Hmmmm… I wonder if Martha has an email address.

Living for the Weekends

Wow.. it has been a while since I have been here.  Shame on me- must be why my head feels so full!  Too much thinking and contemplating and not enough dumping.

My most recent brain circus is about life and people choose to live it.  I’ve noticed on Facebook that over half of my friends have their statuses reading “can’t wait for the weekend”, “so glad it is almost Friday”, “is the workweek over yet?”, “happy hump day”.  I thought about something my Dad said to me when I was a teenager…..

I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car and he was driving somewhere (school most likely.)  I said “God.. I can’t wait until the weekend” it was like.. Tuesday.  He said to me “If you are going to live the rest of your life like that, you are going to miss out on a lot of excellent days in between those weekends.  Also, if you are living like that, you are living your life the wrong way.”  I had forgotten about that bit of advice until I started seeing these statuses pop up on Facebook.

I decided to Google this little issue and see what is out there.  I stumbled across an article quoting a psychologist explaining that if we aren’t careful, we end up living for weekends and vacations.  They offer some tips on how to prevent this from happening in your life.  Check it out here.

I know that in my own life times when I have been caught up in this weekend life mentality has been when I’ve been in a job that robbed myself of my spirit and passion.  Those of us who work full time spend the majority of our waking life at work.  It stands to reason that when this world is out of sync with our happiness, we suffer- big time!

I think I will change my status… telling my friends what I think.